I hate eating…

I am down 25kg. Yeah that’s beyond awesome. After trying many different things it’s great to have something that works.

But I think it’s the dramatic change to the psychology of the eating, as well as the physiology of eating which makes such a difference.

The smaller stomach obviously helps a lot. I believe on top of that, the recovered period of six weeks before solids helps as well. But i reckon the biggest de-motivator or my old eating habits is… the mind.

Eating now needs a lot of planning, a lot of thinking, a lot of feeling and a lot of time between swallows. It means sitting amongst a bunch of people who are all stuffing their faces while you sit there with a smile and no appetite. It is far from easy and it is nauseating at the same time.

Because eating now come with a decent serve of nausea each time. And burping. and phlegm. A bit of farting. A bit of the runs. but definitely nausea and pain. I am at week four and i have had a few things off the list from weeks five and six (poached eggs. a prawn, some rice!) but generally a tablespoon. I have drank a little fluid while eating too… and it all just makes it awful! It’s not bloat anymore if i overeat (i have managed to overeat twice) it’s so uncomfortable you just never wanna do it.

it also put a big focus on the quality of what you are putting in… something my very forceful yet very correct diet psychologist reminded me of at our sessions:

300 gms of donut goes through you in a moment and does not leave you satisfied

300 grams of leafy green clean you out while going through you and leave you mostly satisfied

300 gms of protein in the form of eggs, meat, legume go slowly through you and leave you very satisfied

my stomach will now hold 200ml.

that’s roughly one poached egg and two sips of juice. Or like just now, one weetbix, one tablespoon of purées pear and one half poached egg.

and i am full, not i overfill, cause i judge with my eyes and mind, if i wait till i feel full it’s too late, cause i feel sick!

Anyhow, all this has inspired me to post regarding fibromyalgia, fitness, gastric sleeve and wellbeing. Over the last few weeks i have been reading up on diet after gastric sleeve and also looking into high quality unprocessed foods which are beneficial in small doses like i am

forced to eat now. so i will post based on this. With Photos 🙂

Op is done!

First day home was…. Terrifying!

so yes i survived the four weeks prep and the three days in hospital, many a mini horror story but out i was today and home again… just in time to feel sick and dry retch in the shower for an hour… seems i had a blockage… i know i did because it’s gone now… it could have been the jelly served by Hospital and eaten too quickly by me, or the few sips of almond milk coffee i had today… or both!

Either way, blockage gone! My measurements are lower than before and my weight is below 150kg which is a big plus 🙂 i am tracking it all in an app and will share more details shortly… we are now into the unknown world of small stomach! but we have a good guide, and guidebook, a dietician, psychologist, psurgeon and loving family all offering support. I feel i have gotten through the hard bit and now it’s just getting used to my new normal.

The first two weeks are essentially fluid only, so i will be focusing on clear fluids till about day 5/6 (today is day 2) and then starting slowly on soup and vegetables for eg. I have bought some V8 vegetable juice but after today’s experience i will wait a bit longer before drinking it. We have a liquid multivitamin coming, MultiChew and a liquid format, so i believe it’s import to keep them going (for life) to make sure my body stays health especially while depleting daily calorie intake so dramatically. Surprisingly i am not hungry… not a surprise to anyone else i am sure but to me who usually feels hunger 95% of the time it is amazing.

more to come 🙂

Still on Track

It’s been a tough few days but i am doing it.

So i have added soup to the dieting menu,

also one egg a day if i really feel like it (skipper it yesterday).

15 Days to go till opp….

my measurements now

chest 132

waist 139

hips 129

i’ll get photos tomorrow 🙂

Fibro Flare :(

All that diverticulitis pain has my hyper vigilance hackles up and i am getting pain for simple things… tors in shoes, knuckles and holding something, feet, knees, hips when i get up, lower back all day… i’m in the pain flare:(. Anyhow spent the weekend eating, lightly but eating. Today is the start of week three and back on my shakes and my completed vegan low carb bar. I have worked it out to roughly 20carbs per 5cm slice which is just one a day, two in emergencies. It is setting i the fridge but i have tried it and it is delicious….. ingredients attached

however now in a crappy state. To tired to sit up, to awake to sleep, i have showered, things and twitching and hurting for no reason… usually when i am like this i eat comfort food and binge on tv or something…… can’t right now though

😦

might watch some comedy in netflix…. anyhow three weeks till op 🙂

ah well during the day i always have this view. Melbourne was sunnier today the heat is coming back to us finally 26degrees celsius!

it’s like a painting!

but nighttime now 😦 Netflix…..

The New Dawn!

So great dinner last night and significant amount of Sangria.

Todays missions was vegan low carb bars and midi input from my microkorg.

Amazingly, i solved the midi input issue, it has only been about a year in the making, but today i got stuck into it early and used you tube and the amazingly descript manual to finally work it out.

I applied myself, amazing what happens when I apply myself instead of expecting plug and play to work.

So same mentalism to the low carb dairy free bar. I found one that retails for $6 each.

I am sure it tastes amazing and does exactly what you want it tto do – but $6 for a snack, its not meal replacenent, its a snack! Especially no.

So I have bought a range of things – I have oats, i bought some carob flakes, rice syrup, LSA mix, coconut something and Ill make a slice, i even found sugar free no dairy chocolate to melt for a topping.. should be interesting ill post my method and results, but thats on tomorrow afternoons list.

Right now its back to the music.

(i popped a filter on the miage to try to hide the fact it is so dusty with missuse!)

anyhow i just love filters 🙂

Last Solid dinner for 8 weeks (or so)

Ok this meal was planned.

Thankfully I dont have enough followers for somone to troll me and mimic whats in my head “CHEATER!”

But this is a planned meal, and I am dressed for the part 😀

After this one, no going back! All liquid/low carb.

Clarified with the dietician today – the meal plan is as follows:

4 shakes in one day, total carbs below 60gm (15-18g of carb per shake)

1 bar per day, low carb as possible (i think I have found 9gm ones before)

2-5 small bowls of steamed veggies per day, try to go carb nuetral or deficit.

Anyhow for tonight its Sangria & high protein/low carb (yeah straight out of ketosis with the Sangria but im probably not there right now anyow :))

PS the sunglasses stay on so does the hat and a pair of earplugs – why?

Helps keep the strong light and/or strong noise out of my senses.

Sometimes I am okay with them, but then somethign will change and I am not.

And when I am not, it all becomes pain and extreme discomfort.

So they are my sheilds – Fibrosheilds!

 

 

Dairy Free

Diverticulitis is so painful! Like barbed wire in intestines! Looking into making vegan protein bars at home, not too hard honestly, i have dairy free shakes from Isogenics i should have enough to finish the four weeks 🙂

Today is the last official day off…. dinner with mates we have not seen in a while. We planned it knowing it would be at this end of the first week… it’s like coming up for air! But as i keep saying, doesn’t mean i have to loose my mind and eat everything i see….

What’s in it for Fat?

So autopsy on yesterday reveals a hidden clue:

yesterday two things were happening:

  1. IBS & Diverticulitis (pain in intestines and gas and lots o dat!)
  2. My first shake was different. I wished it in the ninja wizard with lots of water and drank it over about 20 minutes, but i pushed past full!

 

 

AND that was the clue for my food thoughts – associated nerves in my belly caused associated feeling codes thoughts to appear like – oh you are over full, you feel sick, your failing, why keep going

also that feeling of fullness faded later and i had post fulness depression! 1. Self diagnosis for the day! but as i write it i realise its true – when i lose that fullness feeling i feel like i have to replace it soon. And if I don’t i will feel hunger and then pain and then ibs and reflux. And burping!

It’s like my body punishes me for not eating – I get anxious and nauseous and feel like the only thing that will solve it is food, predominately carby protein sandwiches…..

 

JBW I dunno whose songs these are but they followed me on soundcloud and they are AWESOME!

That feeling of fullness is like a drug itself! I imagine myself like an overstuffed black labrador I once knew called Jack. He would like with his huge full belly right in front of the heater, so close you would think his hair was singing. I see myself and stick my tongue out lovingly dripping drool, remembering the feeling of all the food i just ate while lying on my side like a happy dog! WOOF!

Well anyhow, this is then associated with comfort and a distinct removal of my then current discomforts – Anxiety, IBS diverticulitis, pain…. so about 11pm i made myself sandwiches and crumpets and stopped right there.

When i quit smoking back in my 20s it was like this. i would be ok for a while then i would hit a stumbling block. I would have to leave someones social circle for a while, or stop going to certain places, or even eat certain foods because i associated it all with cigarettes.

So I know this lesson and I am taking note –

i am

a: learning from it and

b: applying it.

  1. Diverticulitis: I have been having all the dairy shakes – I am now swapping out to only dairy free. That’s what the diverticulitis felt like it was triggered by, as it has been before, but in the past only with Chilli.
  2. I made another fluffy shake this morning, but I am keeping busy doing something I am passionate about while drinking it – Posting this! I am drinking it much slower now and I have to get used to that for post operation when i wont be able to feel my tummy so easily.
  3. I have also only poured a third of it and put the rest in the fridge. I will drink it slowly over the next couple of hours, but I will keep it slow for that reason.

 

Lets look for good results 😀

 

This is no joke, this is the song that just came on soundcloud, so relevant – how funny i never listen to rap/trip hop whatever this awesome shit is, i am usually listening to electronica and aphextwin but this, is incredible!

Day 4!

Yes still on the journey but i did cave in last night! I ended up eating two sandwiches and two crumpets before bed! However i am not disappointed because that’s the longest i have been able to be on shakes and bars, which was about 72 hours. I also made sure not to spiral out of control… i planned what i was gonna eat, prepared it enjoyed it ate it and stopped at that…. didn’t lead to eating more junk and binging like it would have in the past!

Going over it i have figured a few things that will help: More bars and more variety. I am also checking in with the dietician and psychologist about what to do for the next time i feel like eating.

Many mins ago, in my 20s i quit smoking and that took a fee goes to get right as well. The key thing here though is the limited time, the final two weeks for example i have to stay off food… the dietician said this first week may have teething problems but otherwise really be good to have it down pat by week two!

So day 4 here we go!