So autopsy on yesterday reveals a hidden clue:
yesterday two things were happening:
- IBS & Diverticulitis (pain in intestines and gas and lots o dat!)
- My first shake was different. I wished it in the ninja wizard with lots of water and drank it over about 20 minutes, but i pushed past full!
AND that was the clue for my food thoughts – associated nerves in my belly caused associated feeling codes thoughts to appear like – oh you are over full, you feel sick, your failing, why keep going
also that feeling of fullness faded later and i had post fulness depression! 1. Self diagnosis for the day! but as i write it i realise its true – when i lose that fullness feeling i feel like i have to replace it soon. And if I don’t i will feel hunger and then pain and then ibs and reflux. And burping!
It’s like my body punishes me for not eating – I get anxious and nauseous and feel like the only thing that will solve it is food, predominately carby protein sandwiches…..
JBW I dunno whose songs these are but they followed me on soundcloud and they are AWESOME!
That feeling of fullness is like a drug itself! I imagine myself like an overstuffed black labrador I once knew called Jack. He would like with his huge full belly right in front of the heater, so close you would think his hair was singing. I see myself and stick my tongue out lovingly dripping drool, remembering the feeling of all the food i just ate while lying on my side like a happy dog! WOOF!
Well anyhow, this is then associated with comfort and a distinct removal of my then current discomforts – Anxiety, IBS diverticulitis, pain…. so about 11pm i made myself sandwiches and crumpets and stopped right there.
When i quit smoking back in my 20s it was like this. i would be ok for a while then i would hit a stumbling block. I would have to leave someones social circle for a while, or stop going to certain places, or even eat certain foods because i associated it all with cigarettes.
So I know this lesson and I am taking note –
a: learning from it and
b: applying it.
- Diverticulitis: I have been having all the dairy shakes – I am now swapping out to only dairy free. That’s what the diverticulitis felt like it was triggered by, as it has been before, but in the past only with Chilli.
- I made another fluffy shake this morning, but I am keeping busy doing something I am passionate about while drinking it – Posting this! I am drinking it much slower now and I have to get used to that for post operation when i wont be able to feel my tummy so easily.
- I have also only poured a third of it and put the rest in the fridge. I will drink it slowly over the next couple of hours, but I will keep it slow for that reason.
Lets look for good results 😀
This is no joke, this is the song that just came on soundcloud, so relevant – how funny i never listen to rap/trip hop whatever this awesome shit is, i am usually listening to electronica and aphextwin but this, is incredible!